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O’Toole’s Eulogy: “Traditionalists, Canadians, Rubes, Lend Me Your Ears”
“Traditionalists, Canadians, Rubes, Lend Me Your Ears;
I come to bury O’toole, not to praise he/him/his.
The evil that faux-Conservatives do lives after them;
The good is oft interred within the backbenches;
So let it be with O’Toole. The noble Liberty Caucus members,
Hath told you Red Erin was ambitious:
It was so, and it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath O’Toole embrac’d it.
Here, under leave of Batters and the rest–
For Batters is an honourable woman;
So are they all, all honourable Conservatives–
Come I to speak in O'toole's funeral.
He was my leader, faithful and just to leftist-statism:
But Dichter says he was ambitious;
And Dichter is an honourable man.
He hath brought many truckers home to Ottawa
Whose GoFundMe did the general coffers overflow:
Did this in O’Toole seem ambitious?
When that the Convoy have honked, Erin hath wept:
Traditionalist politics should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Poilivre says he was ambitious;
And Poilievre is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Shaw Centre,
I thrice presented him the leadership crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
I speak not to disprove what Poilievre spoke,
But here I am to speak about what is politically expedient.
You all did pretend to love O’Toole once, not without cause:
What populism withholds you then, to mourn for he/him/his now?
O membership judgement! Thou art fled to opportunistic ideologies,
And men have lost their Canadian values. Bear with me folks;
My heart is in the coffin there with O’Toole,
And I must politick till it come back to me.”
RIP O’Toole Leadership (Aug 2020 - Feb 2022)